Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
