Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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