There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
