It's Friday. Sex?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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