our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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