your thong is hanging out like whoa
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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