I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
