Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Two words: blizzard sex
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
