this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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