it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
