On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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