I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
