Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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