This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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