question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
