People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
