3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
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Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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