I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
