Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
