I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
