Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
