god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
