why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
