hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Best friends brother. Beat that.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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