i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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