next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
