i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
