Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
