I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
