She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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