Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
