Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
