Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize