her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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