dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
