At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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