i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
