I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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