We won't sleep together?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
