Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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