How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
