What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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