OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
