I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
