Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
