omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
