Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
