shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
