dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
