Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dignity is for republicans.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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