I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
