Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
