captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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