You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
