Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
