Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
