Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
