I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
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i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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