There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
