dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
