You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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