i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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