That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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