Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
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making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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