It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
