Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
