Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
