i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
