i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
