dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
