you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
